What is wrong with me?
Dec/081
Well, actually, I know exactly what is wrong with me: I need everyone to like me. I don’t see this as a necessarily BAD thing. I’m a jerk to some people and those people don’t like me, but I am okay with that. When someone I am nice to doesn’t like me though? That drives me up the wall! God, I am pissed just writng about it. Take for instance, my ex-girlfriend from a long time ago. She dumped ME. It was a bad breakup, but we were together for a long time and I’m over it. She SHOULD like me, but the last time I saw her she was like “I want to punch you in your face” and this REALLY bothered me. I let it go for awhile and then a few weeks ago I saw a mutual friend of ours while I was really drunk and asked for her number. I called and texted her about meeting up or something. Who knows? I got a reply, it was short. The answer was no. I should have let it go then because I spent the next few days thinking of how much of an idiot I am. I thought I had really, but then last night. Filled with two much beer and pizza and tequilla shots I got REALLY bored. I started to go through the phone and what do you know? Found the number. (This doesn’t end well, so if you want to stop reading do it. Like now. I wish I could stop writing it.) Sent some CRAZY text about not being able to take that the girl I considered the love of my life hated me. Seriously. I did that. I mean, how do you come back from that? I wish I’d said something different that the old “I thought this was someone else’s number” trick would have worked. Jesus. The funny thing is, and I’m not sure that expression fits here, that At The Time I had THOUGHT that this text would be FUNNY. Like “Lets send this completely random akward text to someone I never see and probably hates me that makes me look like a jackass” funny. Fuck me.
In the end, I don’t care but I totally do as well. I have no idea why I do this. I don’t want her back. I don’t even really want to be friends. She has a blog that I discovered and we are just completely different people. I don’t know her anymore and I probably don’t want to. I just don’t want to be hated. I hate being hated. I really need to deal with this. Then again if I stopped doing stupid things, you would stop getting to read about them. And what fun would that be? I don’t need YOU hating me to.
7:54 pm on December 14th, 2008
Man if only I had 6 hours to spend to tell you what is wrong with you.