10. Jason Mraz at SummerFest. Just a fun day. The concert? Not so much, but we definitely had fun this day.

9. Last week with Nolan. He’s just been killing it lately.

8. Costa Rica~

7. Nolan’s first time fishing.

6. BEAST MODE! Best time I’ve ever had watching a football game.

5. CHIKARA

4. SNOWMAGEDDON. Probably the best day I ever had with my old girlfriend.

3. WWE Money in the Bank. SUMMER OF PUNK.

2. PJ20. Alpine Valley. BOTH NIGHTS.

1. Milwaukee Brewers NLCS Game 5 at Miller Park.
Similar Posts:

• A good summer
• Look at me accomplishing goals, writing professionally
• Biggest week of my life ahead
• Tickets, tickets, tickets
• The One Where I Say Too Much About Dating

As becoming older takes over my mind so do a lot of thoughts about my life. I think the whole idea of “what if?” is kind of stupid because (as Morpheus said) whatever happened happened and couldn’t have happened any other way, but that doesn’t stop me from thinking about them. In all honesty, I am not living the life I envisioned for myself. I like myself, I have fun times and no man is a failure who has friends, but to say this life is ideal would be a lie. I could do better. I should be doing better and because of that I am thinking of what ifs. These are the big ones.

1. What if I never moved to Hawaii?

Really all the signs in my life pointed to this being a bad idea. I didn’t have a lot of money, I didn’t have a job and the only person I knew there was a girl that I wasn’t 100% convinced even wanted me to come. Actually, let’s be honest and say that she didn’t. She wasn’t mad when I did and things worked out that I did, but when I told her that I was doing it she said it was a bad idea. So I canceled my plane ticket. Then I bought another one a month later and didn’t tell her this time. It was irrational and when I got to my layover in Phoenix and they were overbooked I was the first one to put my name in. They didn’t use me and I ended up going. Things worked out. I had fun and I got a son of out of it, but holy crap would my life be different and I really don’t know what would have happened if I hadn’t moved there. Would I have moved somewhere else? Would I have ever seen Jenny again? Would I have stayed in LG all this time? A crazy what if that ultimately doesn’t matter because of Nolan.

2. What if I had stayed in Tacoma?

I moved to Tacoma with my girlfriend at the time and when we broke up my first thought was to GTFO. I headed back to Alabama and ended up living there longer than I ever intended and getting into some shit I didn’t want to get into. It was dumb times and that whole Alabama phase has always felt like a big waste of time to me. So, what if I stayed? I don’t think we would have worked it out because, you know, I’m still me, but I loved it there and I could have found somewhere to live. Would it have worked out? I would have probably had to find all new friends, found another a new job and everything else, but maybe it’d have worked. I could be a Seattle Seahawks season ticket holder right now! I could say I was from Seattle and it actually have been true, but alas there would be no Nolan in this scenario so I don’t really care.

3. What if I had went to college for.. something?

I think about this a lot. I never know exactly what I would have went for (which is why I’ve never went), but I know that if I had went I would be down by now. If I had went when I left Tacoma, I’d be done by now. If I had went when I left Alabama, I’d be done by now. If I had went when I left Hawaii, I’d be done by now. Maybe if I had stayed with Jenny when Nolan was born I’d have been like “I NEED TO SUPPORT MY FAMILY” and went then, I’d be done by now and who knows. This isn’t so much a what if as a coulda/woulda/shoulda. I should have, but I didn’t and if I had I wouldn’t be me right now so who cares. I’ve never felt that college was my path to success and I still don’t. Stupid? Possibly, but that’s just me.

4. What if I had went to Milwaukee?

My entire goal of summer 2010 was to make enough money to move to Milwaukee. Then I fell in love with a girl from Illinois who told me she didn’t want to live in Milwaukee and bla bla bla. I probably should have called her bluff and just done it. If a girl doesn’t want to live where you want to live then it’s probably not going to work out. There’s no f’n way I’d live in Illinois either, but that was her home. Just not a good recipe for success. What if I moved though? Would it have helped or killed that relationship? Would I have found some success? Would my life be different? I can’t really regret this one too much because if I didn’t date that girl I never would have gotten over her and staying was the only way to date her.

Ultimately, I have no regrets about the decisions I’ve made in my life. My only true regrets are not doing the things I wanted to do for whatever reason. Twelve years I’ve wanted to write a screenplay and still they sit unwritten. It’s probably too late now, but I could have gone to wrestling school at any point during that time. I could have done a lot of things and I just procrastinated them all this time. Regretful, but like I said before 30 is the new 20. I got plenty of time to do things I want to do.Similar Posts:

• We become such worse friends as we get older
• Aloha Mahalo Da Kine
• I am the wrestler
• The One Where I Say Too Much About Dating
• WGD: Super Bowl Party

Here’s what I did:

• Saw Martin Lawrence. That was in May, does that count? He so crazy!
• Went to Ring of Honor. It was okay.
• Took my girlfriend to SummerFest for the first time and saw Jason Mraz. The show was “meh”, but the day we had was awesome.
• Went to CHIKARA in Chicago with my dad and nephew. The most fun I’ve ever had at a wrestling show in my life.
• Met Colt Cabana and Mike Quackenbush at that show. Didn’t take my picture with them or anything because be for real, but it was cool meeting them and just saying what’s up since I spend about two hours with them every week. (Art of Wrestling/Grizzly Bear Egg Cafe podcasts.)
• Went to WWE’s Money in the Bank pay-per-view, the greatest WWE pay-per-view of all-time and watched CM Punk walk out with the title in one a crazy moment in front of an INSANE crowd. (Since this show I’ve not been able to keep myself interested in wrestling. It’s like I reached the apex of my fandom and there is no point of continuing.)
• Saw almost every movie I wanted to see this summer (Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Tree of Life and Bridesmaids being the ones I wanted to see but missed). Saw Harry Potter 7p2 surrounded by people dressed up at midnight. Another good time.
  (SUMMER MOVIE RANKINGS: Thor, Super 8, Captain America, HP7p2)
• Took Nolan fishing for the first time. Took Nolan camping for the first time. Went on bike rides with Nolan. Took Nolan swimming for the 10,000th time.
• Reconnected with some old friends and realized that I’d been being stupid keeping myself locked up all the time.
• Met some new friends who made me realize how awesome I can be to hang out with when I want to be.
• Two Brewers games. Not an ideal number of games for a guy like me, but you have to make some sacrifices when you don’t have a lot of money. Really enjoyed the two games I did go to.
• Went and saw Pearl Jam both nights of their 20th anniversary show which is something I wanted to do since the day the concert was announced and I’m glad I got to do it.
• Also saw The Strokes at the show which was awesome because they are one of my favorite bands. Julian Casablancas acted like kind of a douche between songs, but they were still good.
• Ran a restaurant. Working a 70 hour week is not exactly what I’d call fun, but it was a good experience.
• Got a new iPhone. Got a new laptop.
• Started eating right and losing weight. Feeling good about myself.

Maybe I didn’t do everything I wanted to do and maybe everything didn’t go how I planned, but I do some fun stuff and I had some good times. It wasn’t a great summer, but it was a good summer and sometimes that’s enough.Similar Posts:

• Let’s talk about what ifs.
• Disneyland dad
• One Eighty and the year of not Vince
• We become such worse friends as we get older
• It’s A Wonderful Life

And then there is this:

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

That’s from a Robert Frost poem and I read it in this book I read recently and how those words changed the author’s life. About how he always tried to heed those words whenever making a major life decision and it’s how I want to live my life. I don’t bend to popular opinion and I don’t always do what everyone thinks is right for me. I make decisions based off of what I think is right. So, what’s the play here? Do I stay or do I go? What is the road less traveled?

I know that right now there is less reason than ever for me to stay here and somehow, that makes staying here feel right. At least for today.Similar Posts:

• Aloha Mahalo Da Kine
• It’s A Wonderful Life
• One Eighty and the year of not Vince
• Twenty-eight!
• Busy, busy, busy

I could tell you a story about two people who lived together in a space they didn’t want to be in, but stayed in it because they wanted to be together and ended up unhappy for it. I know that story very well and I have told that story way too many times before, but that’s not the story I want to tell anymore. It’s not my story anymore and I am just not interested in it anymore. I am interested in the story of getting better every day of your life and becoming the person that everyone thinks you can be and the person that you want to be. The people who fill in the supporting roles in that story are important to it, but they aren’t the story. The characters can change because the story is me.

(Is this coming across emotional? Because I don’t mean it to be. I have done the emotions thing and I am done with it. This is about positivity and new experiences. This is about saying goodbye to the life that I knew. It’s a happy time. It’s time to walk on through.)

I haven’t weighed myself in a few days so I can’t give the update on the quest for 180, but I imagine I’ve dropped a few more. Just been eating so right lately. Grilled chicken or salmon with veggies, every meal. No bread, no butter, no potatoes, no sugar. Smaller portions and salads with oil and vinegar (which is awful, btw). I am doing my best to not care about taste or feeling full and just eating what I need to eat. I definitely miss garlic bread. Drinking lots of water and no sugar drinks. I’ve drank a few beers (a few too many actually), but every time I’ve done so I’ve skipped dinner. I think that is the right thing to do, but I’m not sure. Maybe I’ll just switch to vodka full-time when I go out. (And I probably shouldn’t be doing shots, but hey it’s a work in progress.) Not being able to work out as much as I’d like to though. Just hindu squats whenever I get the chance. Once I get my job situation better figured out, as in only having one, I think I’ll be able to actually get to the gym. I hope so at least. That said, I can definitely feel a difference in my life now that I have adopted eating better/positive thinking/exercise and it’s only going to get better.

I’m off for now. Going to only my second Brewers game of the year tonight and I couldn’t be more excited. WORLD SERIES.Similar Posts:

• One Eighty and the year of not Vince
• Timing
• A good summer
• We become such worse friends as we get older
• It’s A Wonderful Life

Last year was supposed to be the year that it all ended. The year I was supposed to move and stop working as a server and everything would be different and better and awesome. Then I got caught up with being in love and I didn’t do that. I don’t regret it, but that’s what happened. So I stayed at Popeyes and I stayed in Lake Geneva and I didn’t do some things I wanted to do because I was so happy I didn’t want anything to change.

Working as a server in a resort town in the winter is hell. You don’t make any money, but your bills are all more because you’re home all the time and you’re cranking the heat. You can’t do anything because you don’t have any money and it’s so cold you don’t want to. There are a lot of great things about winter, for example sleeping next to someone is so much better in the winter and the holidays are fun, but most of it sucks. I didn’t really like this winter. My bad times at work just amplified how much I didn’t want to do this anymore. My roommate stopped paying his bills which necessitated a move and then when the seasons changed I decided to tell my boss “fuck you” and got myself fired. (I regret this now less than ever.) It took me a couple months to figure it out after that, both because I didn’t really have a plan and it was hard to find a job, and it was a hard time for me. No job. No money. Living at my girlfriend’s mom’s house. Some friends stopped calling. My laptop died. It felt like the world was against me. It felt like the Year of Not Vince, like some karmic retribution for how happy I’d been the summer before. I was like Buffy after she came back from Heaven and it felt like the worst time of my life.  (In retrospect it probably wasn’t and I should have spent more time appreciating what I did have going for me and less time depressed about what I didn’t, but that’s easy to say now.) I let it get to me and I stopped being me which led to me ending up single.

It’s been a bad year, but it’s over now. I realize now that it was the worst year because I let it be. Like I said before, I stopped being me. I got depressed and I wouldn’t let anyone get me out of it. I pushed away anyone who tried. I hid from the world. I wasn’t making things happen. I stopped feeling like I was in control of my own life and that’s not me. I’m Harvey Dent. I make my own luck.

It’s only been a couple weeks of adopting this mindset and already things are starting to look up for me. I got some potentially capital-g Great news about my website business, I might be doing a children’s book with an artist I met just for kicks, getting some job interviews, basically managing a restaurant for now, figured out a strategy for some website ideas that have been bugging me for a couple months, getting back in a writing groove,  and I FINALLY have a screenplay idea that I believe in. It’s all going to be fine. Things are going to work out and I am going to be better than ever. The key phrase being “going to”, but it will happen. Sometimes you just need to believe in yourself. No one writes songs about the ones that come easy.

Also, there is this thing down here which I will try and keep updated on the site (I plan to write more) to track my progress.

7 down. 27 to go. THE QUEST FOR 180.

Similar Posts:

• Aloha Mahalo Da Kine
• Let’s talk about what ifs.
• Timing
• We become such worse friends as we get older
• A good summer

This photo reminds me of a lot of things. It reminds me of the time I thought it was a good idea to shave a line in my left eyebrow because I thought it looked cool (like Spike). It reminds me of Muska, my crazy ass dog with a mole on his nose that we named after skater Chad Muska during my brief “I think I want to start skateboarding” phase. Was he tied up in the backyard here? Was he in the house getting into something, chewing up something? Was he doing that crazy howl he used to do that drove the old neighbors crazy? Maybe he was playing in the yard with Shannon, my big (like 250 pounds) black friend from Philadelphia who defied stereotypes by spending way too much time playing video games. Was he at the house? Was he on his way over? It was probably a Saturday. We’re probably grilling out. Our neighbors seemed cool. It reminds me of Tacoma and this house we lived in. There was so much fun we had there, but when I look at this picture mostly it just reminds me of the photographer and the guy cutting my hair.

Katy, my girlfriend from high school, the first person I ever loved who quit school because she didn’t want to lose me and came to live in Alabama and then went back to school because I came with her. I liked her a lot. She was the perfect person for me at that point in my life. I really screwed up that relationship.

Then there’s John, her best friend from college who became my best friend when I moved there. He was probably one of the nicest guys I’ve ever known in my life. He was so easy going and always willing to help a friend. We had a lot of fun and we were friends from the first day I arrived. He was a really great guy. It’s really no wonder she started dating him after me. I would have done the same thing. (Just to show how unfair life is John died in a car accident. He was driving and his car flipped over. There were four people in the car and everyone else lived. Life sucks like that.)

All of this is from a life so long ago I can barely remember it. I can barely remember me. When I moved to Tacoma with Katy, I did it because I was ready for a fresh start. That Vin that people knew from 15-19? He was gone. He was a punk and I didn’t want to be like that anymore. I wanted to be a new Vin, a Seattle-Vin. I did my best, I probably failed, but I tried to make it work. I tried to be a different person, a better person and I wasn’t about to let the past hold me back. It seemed like a great plan.

Then we broke up and that Vin, Seattle-Vin, the Vin you see in this picture was gone and soon so were the friends and the dog. I started over again because that’s what I do and the next Vin was not someone I am a big fan of. Some bad stuff happened because I deserved it. I had a few good times, but I have forgotten most all of them by now. That whole time in Alabama seems like a week to me when in reality it was nearly four years. It was never who I felt I was and I felt like doing something else.

So I did and then I did again and now we’re here. At a place where everyone I know calls me Vince because that’s how I introduced myself to them. It’s nice here and I am happier now than I’ve ever been. I don’t get as stressed out as I used to. I never get angry. I’m sure part of this is age and the acceptance that everything is never going to be perfect, but it’s also the life I’ve made. I have the son, the Brewers and some really great friends. Some of the best I’ve ever had, probably the best I’ve ever had. It’s nice.

Which brings me back to the beginning, a time before this picture was taken, to the people that I left behind. To the friends that I felt that I needed to move on from. I never had anything against them, I never will. I just felt like it was time to go and I felt like that particular part of my life was part of my past. One of the friends didn’t accept that and held on. We stayed friends through my post-Alabama days. His girlfriend introduced me to the girl who would become my son’s mother. I owe a lot to them for that. I never would have had Hawaiian-Vin without that. I never would have Dad-Vince without that. Still, I would best describe him and everyone else as my “old friends”. It’s just the way it is.

When he told me he was marrying the girl who introduced me to my son’s mother I said I would be there. I wanted to be there because they meant a lot to me at one point. They still do, but when the day of the wedding came I didn’t show up. It’s probably the douchiest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. I feel terrible about it, but in the end I know why I did it. I’m not that person anymore and for me to spend a day with a bunch of people who are a part of my past and nobody who is a part of my present just wasn’t worth it to me. I probably should have went. It was stupid and selfish and I feel like a douchebag because of it, but I know why I did it. The past isn’t important to me.

Except when it is. Because when I look at this picture it reminds me of a different time and what things were like then. It makes me happy, it makes me sad. These memories are important to me. They helped make me who I am today. Seattle-Vin is a big part of me. It’s just not me anymore. I hope that makes sense.Similar Posts:

• Everything is going to change and that is okay with me
• What is wrong with me?
• Disneyland dad
• My biggest problem
• Let’s talk about what ifs.

Similar Posts:

• Nolan vs Birds
• Happy Birthday Nolan
• Some kids loss is Nolan’s gain

For instance, something I’ve always tried to be was a good friends and a good brother. Now, my brothers don’t give a shit about me. They have their wives and their kids and I never hear from them unless I’m like on the phone with my mom and they are also in the room with her and she forces them to talk to me. This shouldn’t be considered a bad thing. I live a thousand plus miles away from both of them and I really don’t have anything to talk about them really, but it always bothers me. When I went through some hard times in the past couple years surrounding the birth of my son, they weren’t there. Now, the argument can be made either way that they should or shouldn’t have been there but the truth is it shouldn’t bother me as much as it did/does. The reason it does is because if this were a movie, they would be there for me. Look at like, Boyz N the Hood. In that movie Ricky is the good kid that is excellent at football who is trying to get out of the ghetto and his brother Doughboy is the drug dealer with the rap sheet. They have nothing in common and fight throughout the movie, but when someone comes after Ricky? Doughboy is right there. It’s his brother, he loves his brother and nobody is going to mess with his brother. That’s how I try to be to my family and to my friends.

The more and more I think about it though, nobody is really there for me like that and me “being there” for them doesn’t really make much of a difference either. This isn’t even the most insane my-life-is-a-movie thought I have. Sometimes I think that the day will come when I look back and someone yells to me “you can’t just leave them there!” and I will dramatically turn around, coming back to save the day. I think someone is going to tell me that “I’m their only hope” and I’ll have to help them. Hell, I’m still waiting for a guy to be outside my window with a boombox. I think that this stuff is going to happen, even though I know that it’s all ridiculous. I am ridiculous and I need to stop doing it, but the truth is I won’t ever stop doing it. The day I stop picturing my life as a movie is the day I stop being me and I really hope that day never comes. I’m just starting to like that guy.Similar Posts:

• Twenty-eight!
• What is wrong with me?
• It’s A Wonderful Life
• Facebook
• We become such worse friends as we get older

- Dracula’s Lament

(I always wanted to start a post off with a quote, makes me seem interesting.)

My “journey” to twenty eight years old was not exactly what I had in mind, but it’s not exactly one that I wouldn’t choose again if I had the chance. There’s really nothing I like more in my life than being proven wrong. For instance on Miller Park Drunk I have come out strongly against their new center fielder, Carlos Gomez, and that is something that I would love to be proven wrong on. It’s not fun if I am right about them not being good because of this guy. Being right about things isn’t really all it’s cracked up to be and that sums up my entire 27 years of life in a nutshell. I have always thought I knew better than what people told me, I have always thought I was the smartest and I have always thought I had it all figured out, yet time and time again I have been proven wrong. You’d think that would suck, but I’m really happy about it. If you’ve been around me for five seconds you can probably tell that I think my entire life is a movie and the tagline I’d have to use would be something ridiculous like “sometimes you have to lose everything to find out what truly matters” or “sometimes everything you ever wanted turns out to be not what you wanted at all” or even, my personal favorite, “sometimes what you’ve spent your whole life looking for turns out to be right in front of your eyes”. (It’s pure Oscar bait and I love it.)

That being said, I think I am at that point now. It’s the third act of that movie and it’s time for me to start putting this whole thing together. 27 was a pretty damn good year, really. I watched my son go from “little baby who pees his pants” to “little kid who talks and says cool stuff, but still pees his pants”, an underrated step to be sure. I opened up Miller Park Drunk and realized that, hey, I am actually a good writer and people like reading my stuff so much that I actually got paid for it (by the Onion no less!!!). I think I did a pretty good job of solidifying the relationships I have with my friends and now feel for the first time in awhile that I have a solid group of friends who actually support me and care about the ups and downs of my life and actually get mad at me for doing stupid things, this is huge (this means you blog reading friends, WHAT UP). I also became funnier than I have ever been in my life which I think is due to the added confidence boost of everything I just listed. The love I have for my son, my friends and the fact that people love my shit (over 44 THOUSAND visitors since February) has gotten me to this point where I am not really afraid to try or say things anymore because I believe in it.

I am pretty excited about 28 because anything can and will happen. Will I take improv classes? Most likely. Will I enter a screenplay contest like this one? For sure. Will winning that competition lead me into having a movie produced? Hopefully. Will I be a contestant on The Amazing Race? Possibly. Will Mike and I win the Lake Geneva Amazing Race (or at least beat Emily)? Most definitely. Will I move to Chicago or Milwaukee? Quite possibly. Will I get a girlfriend? Probably not. Will I co-write a book and have it published? Almost definitely. Will Nolan finally say “I do want to go to Dad’s”? God, I hope so. Will someone read Miller Park Drunk and hire me? Not likely, mainstream media outlets don’t really care for statutory rape jokes, but still! Will I finally stop being a server? Please for the love of God, please.

The fact is that any and all of these things could very well happen. More importantly I believe they will. The hardest part about coming back from being a screwup is believing in yourself and I’m almost there. It’s hard to believe I was once that smiling kid in the picture (I’m the straight one on the right) and I’ve come a long way since then, but I’m not nearly done. Not by a long shot.Similar Posts:

• Look at me accomplishing goals, writing professionally
• The One Where I Say Too Much About Dating
• It’s A Wonderful Life
• What is wrong with me?
• My biggest problem