Hey, I got one right! Wakamatsu could be named manager of the Mariners!
KING 5 Sports has learned from sources close to the Mariners that A’s bench coach Don Wakamatsu is the front runner to be the next manager of the Mariners. The only thing left is approval from the owners in Japan, and that could come shortly.
I can imagine how that conversation will go. My pathetic attempt at Dugout style satire, after the jump.
INT. Yamauchi Castle – Japan
SERVANT enters the room. HIROSHI YAMAUCHI is playing Wii in an intense fashion.
SERVANT
Mr. Yamauchi…HIROSHI YAMAUCHI
HOW DARE YOU DISTURB ME! YOU
HAVE RUINED MY MUSIC VIDEO FOR
THE WHAM CLASSIC “Wake Me Up
Before You Go Go”!SERVANT
I am sorry Master. It’s just… we’ve
gotten word.. from America. It’s
the Mariners your Holiness.Hiroshi Yamauchi begins rubbing his hands together evily.
HIROSHI YAMAUCHI
Ahhh yes. My championship American
baseball club. Have they won another
Series of Worlds? Send Mr. Lincoln a large
sack of money for his efforts.SERVANT
Well, actually sir they’ve been
to a World Series. They haven’t even made
the playoffs since 2001.HIROSHI YAMAUCHI
What?!SERVANT
Yes, your magnificence. Under Howard Lincoln
and Chuch Armstrong’s leadership the team
has ignored advances in statistical analysis
and fallen behind the pack in the chase
for the AL West. They are kind of a joke.HIROSHI YAMAUCHI
Statistical analysis? People don’t want
statistical analysis or higher quality
scouting. Only people who don’t know
baseball would advocate statistical
analysis when people aren’t interested
in cutting edge technology.SERVANT
My lord, you don’t know baseball.HIROSHI YAMAUCHI
Oh, that’s right. Baseball is silly and boring,
like a role playing game. Only depressed people
watch baseball.SERVANT
Indeed, your Greatness. That’s why
we own a team in Seattle.HIROSHI YAMAUCHI
What do they want from me?SERVANT
Well, your gloriousness the team has
brought in a new General Manager who
wishes to blend the ways of old scouting
with a statistical analysis team. He
believes he has found a field manager
and is just waiting for your approval.HIROSHI YAMAUCHI
Why? I’ve never even seen a game in my life.SERVANT
One so humble as me does not know.HIROSHI YAMAUCHI
What is this “field” manager’s name?SERVANT
Don Wakamatsu.HIROSHI YAMAUCHI
Why didn’t you say so!? Go, Go Second
Time Virgin is my favorite movie of
all time. When he mixes the sexuality
and the extreme violence. I like it.SERVANT
As you wish my stupendousness.HIROSHI YAMAUCHI
And give Johjima another extension.
Annnnnnd scene.
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