Open letter to King Felix

Sorry bud. I know I said that I would go see you pitch when you guys came to Chicago to play the White Sox, but I just couldn’t bring myself to spend money on the team this year. I’m sure you’ll pitch great, but you guys have lost four in a row including a 13-5 game last night (can’t you guys give up 13 runs against a team that I have in the 13 run pool next time?). Just don’t pitch a perfect game so I don’t have to hate myself for the rest of my life, okay? Oh, who am I kidding? I know you’ll just do what you want anyways.

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