GOALS
Nov/090
I have been thinking about the notion of having goals lately. I have never been a person who plans that far ahead in life or sets goals with deadlines. In my experience every time I have tried, it hasn’t worked out as I planned it to. This isn’t to say that I don’t have goals, just that they don’t really mean anything. Here’s a few goals that I have.
- Own a BMW: BMW’s are awesome, one of the finest cars you can possibly drive. I’d like to drive one.
- Buy a house.
- Take all my friends to Disney World: I have this memory of my whole family (my parents, my cousins and their parents) and a few of my parent’s friends all going down to Disney World when I was a kid and I just think it would be awesome to recreate that experience with my friends because, well, we are a lot more fun. Also, Disney World is awesome.
- Be a guest on the Adam Carolla Podcast: I think I’m a funny guy, but if this ever happened I would have undeniable proof.
- Sell a screenplay: This has been a goal of mine since I was 17 years old and it will remain a goal of mine until the day it is accomplished, no matter what.
Looking at that list these are all decent goals, right? Maybe a little farfetched, but definitely some things to strive for. The thing is if I were to accomplish #5, the rest would be pretty damn easy to accomplish because they are all tied into money and success. Without money, I am not going to get to drive a BMW and that’s just the way it is. Does that make these bad goals? Does that make me a failure if I never accomplish any of them? I don’t think so, but if I did accomplish them all it’d be pretty fucking awesome wouldn’t it? In the end that’s why I set them and set them so high because if I don’t accomplish them I can live with that and still be happy, but if I do accomplish them it will be the coolest thing ever and we’ll all go to Disney World.
The One Where I Say Too Much About Dating
Oct/090
In the past few months I have become INCREDIBLY anti-relationship. I think there are a lot of reasons for this. For one almost every one of my friends that is in a relationship is not around as much as they used to be. This is sort of a necessary evil to the relationship process. I understand it and I can appreciate it, but I don’t have to like it. What really bothers me though is the way that they change the way that they are after getting into a relationship. You like football? Get a girlfriend and all the sudden you prefer spending your Sundays at Michaels. Your favorite movie is 300? Get a girlfriend and your favorite movie suddenly stars Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson or, in other words, it sucks. You are probably reading this and thinking I am a moron for saying these things, but there is no way in hell my buddy watches Jon and Kate Plus 8 without a girlfriend. Carpenters don’t watch that sort of thing unless there is a girl making them watch that. It’s just a fact of life. So, yeah, not the biggest fan of the whole girlfriend experience.
Now, this isn’t to say that everyone in the world has a bad relationship or that I don’t think a good relationship exists. It’s just that they are very few and far between. I think that for it to work someone would need to inherently “get” me. For it to work in my situation we’d definitely have to be friends and you definitely wouldn’t judge me. To date, I don’t believe that this has ever actually happened. Well, except for that one time that it did.
Look at me accomplishing goals, writing professionally
Jul/090
Pretty much since I can remember wanting to do something I wanted to be a writer. Movies, books, magazines, in flight catalogs, anything. It didn’t matter. I just knew that it was something that I could do and something that I thought I would enjoy doing. Well, after years of NOT doing anything to make that a reality I have finally made my first step.
In February of this year I started Miller Park Drunk. It was meant to just be a distraction, something to get me through the days while filling the void in my life to talk/write about baseball. Well, as it got going I started to realize more and more that it was better off as a comedy blog about baseball than any sort of serious baseball blog that featured comedy. As soon as I realized that the blog really took off. Currently, it’s averaging over 300 a day and has had almost 20,000 visitors since it’s debut. Of course, there is no money involved. I do it for the adulation. People don’t make money off the internet. Unless they get an email like this:
I’m the Milwaukee city editor for Decider.com, the local version of The Onion A.V. Club. I’m writing because I’m a fan of your blog and I was wondering if you’d like to write a guest column for our weekly “Talkin’ Baseball” feature devoted to the Brewers.
I’m basically looking for you to bring some of that Miller Park Drunk magic to Decider. I envision the column being a lot like a Miller Park Drunk post, except a little longer and maybe with a few more swear words.
If you’re interested, we can start talking about ideas and deadlines. And, yes, we will pay you for this.
Of course I said yes and today that article is running. I did as I was asked and made it longer with more swear words, then turned it into an editor who didn’t make too many changes. They titled it Miller Park Drunk’s Guide To How Not Be a Brewers Fan (which I’m not sure makes complete sense when read aloud) and I can now call myself a professional writer. Why? Because professional’s get paid. No matter how immature they are. 
“most of the people who identify themselves as anti-establishment individualists are almost always the ones voting for more government intervention, more government control.”
Jun/090
Sometimes I think my political “views” often alienate me from my friends (I parenthesize views because there are plenty of things I disagree with Republicans on, but I find them right more often than not. Yet, if I say to someone “I am a Republican” they most likely start an anti-Bush, pro-gay marriage, pro-abortion, Obama-is-going-to-save-the-world, pro-something else that doesn’t really matter argument with me.) Then I read something like this and feel better.
Likewise, most of the people who identify themselves as anti-establishment individualists are almost always the ones voting for more government intervention, more government control. They believe they are against ‘the man,’ but they almost never meet a problem they don’t think should be solved by, well, more ‘the man.’ People who claim to love the poor almost always favor policies that prevent the creation of wealth and jobs, the only two things that have ever consistently elevated men out of poverty. People who claim to be the most tolerant are almost always hostile to any opinion other than their own. People who believe themselves to be the most color blind and supportive of racial integration seem to be most in favor of holding people to different standards of accomplishment and conduct based on the color of their skin.
I’m as anti-establishment as it gets. I got kicked out of EIGTH GRADE. Think about that for a second. Eighth grade. Do you know how many virgins I knew in eighth grade? Fucking everyone because you are just a kid. Yet, I tend to agree with Republicans. Why? Because Republicans stay out of my fucking life and let me keep my money. That’s why.