Apparently, aliens are making their First Contact today. In Alabama of all places. DAMN ME FOR MOVING AWAY FROM THERE!

“They have carefully selected this time to show up and are doing it out of goodwill because of the great evils behind this world. It is time to become free from wars, pestilence, famine, poverty, sickness, disease, rich and poor and all the world sufferings.”

I love it when people say crap like that. If I saw an alien right now I would punch him in the face. That would be my first reaction, to look that alien scare in the eye and punch him in his big stupid alien face. Why do people think that they would be any different? I am like the nicest guy ever and I want to knock them out, why would they be different? To them we are the aliens, hello! Didn’t you people see War of the Worlds? Or Independence Day? Or like, any movie ever involving aliens? Seriously, they are never coming because they want to love us and solve all of our problems. Their not Richard Simmons. They are coming to murder us and use our bodies as hosts for their offspring, just like in Alien. Their coming to hunt us for sport like the Predator. Basically, we’re all going to die.

Oh, wait a minute. That post was dated yesterday. Guess the spirit of a Native American named “White Cloud” was lying.