Twenty-eight!
Dec/091
It’s getting kind of hard to believe things are going to get better.
I’ve been drowning too long to believe that the tide’s going to turn.
And I’ve been living too long to believe that things are going to get easier now.
I’m still trying to shake off the pain from the lessons I’ve learned.
(I always wanted to start a post off with a quote, makes me seem interesting.)
My “journey” to twenty eight years old was not exactly what I had in mind, but it’s not exactly one that I wouldn’t choose again if I had the chance. There’s really nothing I like more in my life than being proven wrong. For instance on Miller Park Drunk I have come out strongly against their new center fielder, Carlos Gomez, and that is something that I would love to be proven wrong on. It’s not fun if I am right about them not being good because of this guy. Being right about things isn’t really all it’s cracked up to be and that sums up my entire 27 years of life in a nutshell. I have always thought I knew better than what people told me, I have always thought I was the smartest and I have always thought I had it all figured out, yet time and time again I have been proven wrong. You’d think that would suck, but I’m really happy about it. If you’ve been around me for five seconds you can probably tell that I think my entire life is a movie and the tagline I’d have to use would be something ridiculous like “sometimes you have to lose everything to find out what truly matters” or “sometimes everything you ever wanted turns out to be not what you wanted at all” or even, my personal favorite, “sometimes what you’ve spent your whole life looking for turns out to be right in front of your eyes”. (It’s pure Oscar bait and I love it.)
The One Where I Say Too Much About Dating
Oct/090
In the past few months I have become INCREDIBLY anti-relationship. I think there are a lot of reasons for this. For one almost every one of my friends that is in a relationship is not around as much as they used to be. This is sort of a necessary evil to the relationship process. I understand it and I can appreciate it, but I don’t have to like it. What really bothers me though is the way that they change the way that they are after getting into a relationship. You like football? Get a girlfriend and all the sudden you prefer spending your Sundays at Michaels. Your favorite movie is 300? Get a girlfriend and your favorite movie suddenly stars Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson or, in other words, it sucks. You are probably reading this and thinking I am a moron for saying these things, but there is no way in hell my buddy watches Jon and Kate Plus 8 without a girlfriend. Carpenters don’t watch that sort of thing unless there is a girl making them watch that. It’s just a fact of life. So, yeah, not the biggest fan of the whole girlfriend experience.
Now, this isn’t to say that everyone in the world has a bad relationship or that I don’t think a good relationship exists. It’s just that they are very few and far between. I think that for it to work someone would need to inherently “get” me. For it to work in my situation we’d definitely have to be friends and you definitely wouldn’t judge me. To date, I don’t believe that this has ever actually happened. Well, except for that one time that it did.
Aloha Mahalo Da Kine
Sep/091
I found this book that I haven’t read in a long time and I was leafing through the pages and I found the one way plane ticket to Hawaii that I bought way back when. Looking back it’s been three years since that flight and it’s crazy how much has changed. In some ways I don’t even feel like I’m the same person, in other ways I feel like I am finally doing what I was trying to do way back then.
When I moved back to Wisconsin in 2005, the plan was to stay at my dad’s for awhile and make some money. Once I saved up some money I was going to move to either Seattle or LA. The idea being that I was going to start my screenwriting career. I thought Wisconsin would be a great place to go because the winters fucking suck and I could just sit home in the cold all the time and just do some writing. This, of course, never happened. You start hanging out with some dudes and you just end up drinking way too much like always. I think that I’ve always had some really good ideas and if I ever sat down and wrote them that I could be a screenwriter, but I am a master procrastinator and if I get the chance to go and get drunk instead I usually take it. Anyways, time goes by and I don’t write a thing. I don’t save a thing and I really have no idea what I am doing.
Then I meet this girl.
Work
Sep/092
The other night I was listening to the Adam Carolla podcast as I always do (I honestly can’t recommend it enough) and his guest was Greg Fitzsimmons who is a comedian. It was one of the best podcasts he’s ever done as they clicked great and really had an engaging conversation. A part of their conversation turned to the subject of work and how some people think that Adam wouldn’t be anything without Jimmy Kimmel or how people think that success is more of a result of “right place, right time” than any sort of work or drive. The basic gist of the conversation was that if you really want to do something and you really work at it that you can do it. Being in the right place at the right time doesn’t exist because the only reason you are even considered is because you are dedicated to what you are doing and you are actually good at it.
Now, at the same time I have been thinking about work a lot lately. I don’t really like being a twenty-eight year old waiter, but it is what is. The thing about working is that I used to try and do the whole hard work thing. I worked in warehouses, I worked construction (VERY briefly), I worked at awful factories where they made carpet and another one where they made roofing tar (only time I’ve ever been fired) and all these shit jobs I had didn’t pay shit. I was a manager at a furniture store and I didn’t make shit. Then when I started serving I started making more money than I have ever made and working less than I ever had. Beyond that I was good at it. So now I am at this point where I should probably find something better to do, but there isn’t something better for me to do. I can get another job, but the odds are it will pay less or if it pays the same I will work a lot more hours. It’s not a real good situation. I should do that whole “find something you love” thing.
I have a couple of buddies who I actually believe love what they do. You can tell when they talk about what they are doing, that the words that are coming out of their mouth are describing something they are proud of. I’ve never really talked to them about it, but I don’t think that I really have to. It’s like if someone is eating a meatball sandwich and you say to them “Hey, do you like meatballs?” I mean, what the fuck? In my intense thinking about this topic I realize that every so often I get that same tone in my voice when I talk about Miller Park Drunk. Now, I don’t think I can do that for a living. Even writing for Decider I only ended up making about $100/an article and that’s not enough to support myself either. Especially when I’ve only done it twice (well, twice as of next week) in two months and baseball season is ending. I will never sell that site or join a blog network. Advertising has made me maybe $50 bucks for the whole season. Miller Park Drunk as a career is never going to happen, but what I realized is that doesn’t really matter.
When Carolla talks about making it on the podcast the so-called right time, right place “break” was becoming a guest star on a morning talk show in LA. His big break wasn’t even really a paying job. What I realize is that Miller Park Drunk is MY right place, right time break. I started a funny Brewers blog coming off the biggest season in the team’s history and I gained a pretty decent sized audience in a hurry. What I want to do hasn’t changed (entertainment in some form of movies/TV/books/internet), but now I have created my own “break” and gained myself a little bit of notice. Miller Park Drunk isn’t what makes me successful, but it’s a start and that’s more than I’ve ever had before.