The NFL Playoffs suck
Dec/080
The NFL Playoffs were finalized yesterday and I can’t believe how hard it is to pick a team to get behind. Everytime is either completely unlikable, boring to watch, annoying to me on a personal level or all of the above. Check it out.
Indianapolis: Peyton Manning.
Baltimore: Ed Reed might be the man, but this team is coached by a Harbaugh with one of the worst offenses in the league to go along with a murderer. No thanks.
San Diego: The ghost of LT, Norv Turner and an 8-8 record? Pass.
Miami: This is the closest thing we’ve got to a likable team (and they have Joey Porter). An exciting offense that will most likely completely falter in the playoffs.
Pittsburgh: Yeah, like I’m going to root for these assholes. I didn’t forget Super Bowl XL. In fact I hope that ambulance drove Big Ben straight into a fucking wall.
Tennessee: Former drunk, terrible country singer (this is an assumption that I won’t ever back down from) at QB being backed up by a suicidal, talentless idiot. This should end well.
Philadelphia: Good one week, terrible the next. A lot of people talk about 8-8 records and how they shouldn’t be allowed into the playoffs. How about playing one of the worst games of all times and tying the Bengals? Shouldn’t that automatically eliminate you?
Atlanta: Here’s another team that is likable on paper. Matt Ryan and Michael Turner are pretty awesome and have probably never even spanked a dog, but when I can’t convince myself that they can beat Arizona in the playoffs it’s not worth it.
Arizona: How is it that there is a team in the playoffs that went 8-8 and somehow I think these guys deserve to be in less than they do? Seattle-related bitterness maybe?
Minnesota: Tavaris Jackson! Brad Childress! It’s the Detroit Lions of the early 90s all over again. Great running back with a terrible coach and QB. This thing writes itself.
Carolina: My pick to win it all. A good defense, a good coach and two solid running backs make to create a boring offense that has a good chance of winning it all. Bonus points for having two running backs who sucked at fantasy for most of their careers until the last few weeks of this season.
New York: Eli Manning.
SUPER BOWL PICK: Carolina over Indianapolis
Green Bay Packers
Dec/080
Call me a dreamer, call me an idiot, call me an optimist, but I think the Packers have a pretty good shot to make the playoffs. Of course, a few weeks ago I laid out a plan for the Seahawks to make the playoffs and they now sit at 2-10, but hear me out here.
NFC North Standings (Head to head with Green Bay)
Minnesota 7-5 (1-1)
Chicago 6-6 (0-1)
Green Bay 5-7
Vikings upcoming schedule: @Detroit, @Arizona, Atlanta, New York Giants
Bears upcoming schedule: Jacksonville, New Orleans, Green Bay, @Houston
Packers upcoming schedule: Houston, @Jacksonville, @Chicago, Detroit
Now the Packers need to win out and have both teams above them lose, but the NFL just suspended half of the Vikings defensive line for the rest of the season and with Gus Frerotte at QB their in a bit of trouble. The Bears clearly have the best shot, but well, their the Bears and I don’t think neckbeard has it in him to go 3-1 or 4-0 to make the playoffs. If the Packers win out and tie the Vikings or the Bears at 9-7 they win the tiebreaker because they would be 5-1 in the division. The Packers have been the best team in this division all year long, but their overrated secondary has just given away some key games and they lost a couple of coinflips. It’s not a crazy thought.
I really just want this to happen because looking at “if the playoffs ended today” I don’t think I would be interested in a single team. Baltimore? Carolina? Yikes.